A Movies

A*P*E

A giant ape bound for Disneyland escapes and rampages around South Korea. The inevitable female target of his attentions is an actress in Korea filming a movie where she gets raped in every scene! Originally shot in 3-D, with an ape suit that looks like it was put together from carpet samples.

Amazing Colossal Man, The

When Stan Lee wrote his version of this story (man rushes out of protected bunker to save clueless would-be victim of experimental bomb test), he ended up with The Incredible Hulk, the grumpy gray/green giant who burst forth from a nerdly young scientist whenever he became angry. In this film by Bert I. Gordon and Mark Hanna, however, Lt. Col. Glenn Manning finds himself growing without limit. Who can blame him if he goes a little nuts in the process? This is Gordon's most famous film, which is not to say it is his best, but it does have a certain charm and the pseudo-science (which accounts for Manning's insanity, but not for his violations of the laws of conservation of mass) is sure to drive any actual scientists in the room completely bonkers.

Arachnid

In the opening scene of Arachnid we see an invisible flying saucer abducting sea life  from the Pacific Ocean. A stealth fighter accidentally strikes the saucer, and both craft crash on a small island. The human pilot investigates the still partially invisible saucer and finds an alien pilot – and then they’re both killed by a giant spider that jumps out of the jungle. Was the spider an escapee from the alien saucer? Another alien? Is it all just a coincidence? All these questions and more won’t be answered during the course of Arachnid. Instead a bunch of sci-fi/horror movie stereotypes arrive on the island looking for the stealth pilot, and the spider kills them one by one.

Atragon

The undersea Mu Empire declares themselves the rulers of the world. Who can resist their super-science? Only a rogue Japanese naval captain who has secretly built a flying battleship known as Atragon! Can the Japanese government find him and convince him to fight the invaders?

Even though Toho Studios specialized in giant monster movies, the monster in this movie is one of the weakest parts of the production. Manda, a giant Chinese dragon, appears only briefly, and isn't very convincing.

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

There's an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain Resort, and one of 'em says "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says "Yeah I know, and such small portions."

- Woody Allen in Annie Hall

It's hard not to feel like those two old women when watching Attack of the 50 Foot Woman; there's so much buildup to the title character that her eventual appearance almost can't help but to be a disappoinment. Then, after waiting an hour for the not-so-special effects that bring the enlarged Nancy Archer to life, the 50 Foot Woman is brought down in less than ten minutes, and the film is over.

There's plenty to watch before Allison Hayes goes tromping through her character's small home town, most of it the sick human drama in which Nancy's weaselly (and adulterous) husband Harry (William Hudson) tries to have Nancy committed to an asylum so that he can gain control of her considerable personal fortune. Fortunately, there's also the apperance of Yvette Vickers as Harry's mistress, Honey Parker, and the brief foray into more traditional science fiction when the Sheriff stumbles upon the giant spaceship (and accompanying alien) that got Nancy into this trouble in the first place.

Despite the wretched superimposition and back projection effects that create the illusion of Nancy's height -- and the giant papier maché hand that will inspire laughter in most viewers -- Hayes' performance as the enraged Nancy is mesmerizing. Unfortunately for Hayes, however, the sassy Vickers is the predomninant screen personality for the rest of the film. Writer Mark Hanna also co-wrote The Amazing Colossal Man.

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

This modern-day remake was played for laughs but should have been a lot funnier, especially coming from Christopher Guest, the creator of some extremely funny films like This is Spinal Tap and Best In Show. Unfortunately it takes itself just a smidge too seriously while dabbling in domestic-abuse parable and becomes dreadfully boring as a result. There's not enough giant monster action here to justify sitting through the scenes in which Darryl Hannah's character throws herself a pity party. Skip it and watch the original instead.

Attack of the Crab Monsters

Giant mutated crabs lure victims into their caves with psychic calls before decaptitating the poor bastards. The strong script makes this one genuinely creepy; a good film to watch to see what made Corman's early work so compelling.

Attack of the Giant Leeches

Florida swamp country is invaded by overgrown leeches, who do away with a cast of country bumpkins. Of particular interest is Yvette Vickers, 1950s b-movie sexpot queen.

Attack of the Super Monsters

Best described as hard core drugs for small boys. Dinosaurs emerge from beneath the ground to destroy mankind and rule the Earth; only the G-Force Ripoff Team can defeat them! Originally a TV series, this mix of live-action giant monsters with animated characters is insanely loopy. The episodic nature of the TV series becomes evident as the team defeats another monster every twenty minutes or so, but there is an overall story arc.